Wednesday, July 05, 2006:
Here is another one of my “EUGE DREAMS”. I AM intending to manifest this dream. I WILL journal about the intent, process and manifestation of this dream. I WILL call this journal: OPRAH / Operation Remember and Have.
The following is an incomplete list of beliefs, quotes and idioms that I will use to manifest this EUGE DREAM:
1. The Serenity Prayer
2. Mathew 7:7
3. The Law of Abundance
4. Prayers of Gratitude
5. “Action is the antidote to fear”
6. “When you can’t figure out what you want to do, be in service to others”
7. The three steps of creation: Thought, Declaration (Movement), Action
Today I returned to work after a brief hiatus during which time I attended to my health issues (and Dori’s) and contemplated my life choices; past, present and future.
Dori had gall bladder removal surgery last Friday (June 30th). Two weeks previous, on June 16th, Dori ordered a complete check up for me since I was starting to experience chest discomfort. I also wanted to finally have some toe nails removed that were infected and that I had been trying to deal with for a number of years. The check up showed that I had high blood pressure (190/97), High Cholesterol, and High Triglycerides (497). The doctor contemplated sending me to the emergency room for immediate treatment. She recommended 1 low dose adult aspirin per day and a statin called Lipitor. She also recommended that I quit smoking, gradually start exercising, and limit my coffee from 3 pots a day to a maximum of 4 cups a day. She wanted me to start a diet regimen that included more fresh vegetable a lowered fatty meat intake. She also advised that I do my best to eliminate all processed flour and sugar. The doctor ordered a cardiovascular stress test for me the next day. I passed but that doctor told me that stress tests only detect 70% blockage or more and that I could very well have 65% blockage and the test would not detect it.
Four days later I had two nail on my right foot removed and I was prescribed pain killers, ibuprofen, and antibiotics. Seven days after that, on June 20th I had 3 nails removed from my left foot.
On Friday, June 23rd I returned to Dr. Ashley Davis’ office to have my dressings changed and she inquired as to if I was taking the Lipitor. I told her I was not because I was concerned about the possible interactions between the 4 medications I had been prescribed. I also admitted to her my belief that all synthetic medications and most internal surgery should be avoided unless one is in a true emergency situation. Dr. Ashley seemed to consider what I had said and she agreed that she would not like me to be dependant on a daily medication to survive at my young age. She suggested a compromise in that I would address the pressure/cholesterol/triglycerides situation with diet and life style changes for three months at which point I would be retested. If significant changes were not realized then I would go on the Lipitor. I would like to avoid that; statins were in the news a lot last year associated with causing heart attacks and strokes. I would prefer a natural and holistic means to deal with the situation. I happily reported that I was taking the other advice and avoiding flour and sugar, I was paying way more attention to w hat I was eating and had cut down on my coffee. We found that my blood pressure was down to 123/78 and I had lost nearly 5 pounds. It seemed that in only 10 days I was headed in the right direction.
Three days prior to my full physical, I gave the eulogy at one of my best friend’s funeral, Alfred Taylor Shope. He had turned fifty-five a few days before.
Four days prior to that funeral, my twelve year old son, Chance, came upstairs to where I was working in the attic and told me that something was wrong with Alfred. Alfred had been one of my dearest friends for just over 9 years. He had been renting a room from us for just over a year. He was working on making some changes in his life and seemed to be finally realizing some positive results. Chance said he had gone to use the downstairs bathroom and Al was lying on the floor unconscious. I rushed back downstairs with Chance and found Al lying on his side. His head was purple. He had no shirt on and I could see that he was not breathing. I yelled his name and knelt down to shake him. I yelled at him louder and shook a bit harder but the dread realization was already washing over me.
Chance asked if Al was going to be alright. I said no, something is very wrong. I called 911 and told Chance to go out to the driveway to flag down the paramedics when they arrived. The operator asked me if Al was stiff or cold: NO. Do I know how to apply CPR? YES. Can I straighten Al out on his back? I THINK IT’S TOO LATE. If he is not stiff and not cold there is still a chance, are you willing? Y..YES. Get him straight and on his back. I AM TRYING! I CAN’T LIFT HIM! ALFRED! WAKEUP GODDAMN IT! ALFRED! I CAN’T LIFT HIM! You must get him flat on his back. I CAN’T! THE BATHROOM FLOOR IS TOO SMALL AND I CAN’T LIFT HIM. Can you drag him? NO, I CAN’T GET HIM STRAIGHTENED OUT! I HEAR THE AMBULANCE. Keep trying to get him on his back.
Dad! The ambulance is here!
Chance and I sat on the steps at the end of the hall as they brought Al out into the living room and started trying to resuscitate him on the floor. One of the EMT’s was asking me questions about Al’s health and if I knew what happened. I remember that I was amazed that Chance was keeping it together and was focused on comforting me. “Look, Dad, Al is breathing!”
No he’s not, Son. They are intubating him and breathing for him.
“Don’t worry, Dad, it’ll be okay”
“We’ll see, Son, we’ll see.”
One day before was the last day of school for my sons Chance and Luc. I was in a hurry helping Luc get ready for his graduation assembly. He had decided that he wanted to wear a suit and tie for the last day of second grade. Alfred kept asking questions about the new computer I had built for him. Getting flustered, I finally asked him to let me focus on getting the boys ready for school. He went away. As we were leaving, Alfred asked if I would be at home later this evening. Irritated, I replied, “Of course! Where else would I be?”
“Sometimes you stay out at your office late or even all night.”
“Why, Al? What do you need?”
“I just want to talk, we don’t talk anymore”
“What?! We talk every freaking day!”
“Not like we used to; where we would sit down and really connect and talk about, you know – everything; about life.”
My head said, ‘That’s because you don’t listen anymore. You are so concerned about you that you don’t hear anything about me. If you do - you turn it into something about you!’ My mouth said, “We will, Al. We will.” That was the last verbal conversation Alfred and I ever had. I left harried and resentful, on my way to my kid’s last day of school assembly.
About 2 weeks before, Alfred was very excited. He had a made an offer on a house and it was looking good. It would be the first home he had ever owned his own home.
About 1 month before that, Al has bought a speed boat. He had talked about buying one for years. He finally did. He started planning for our traditional annual Lake Party at Spring Shores. Everyone was promising to come this year.
About six months before that, Alfred bought a Harley. It was a life long dream.
About three months before the Harley, Alfred completed his Consumer Counseling Debt Reduction program. He was proud of the years of discipline and delay of gratification that it took to get himself back on his feet financially. He had committed to it and completed it. I was impressed.
About 9 years before that, Alfred started asking me about the Spiritual Awareness and Self Development course that Dori and I had taken because we were starting to experience marital problems. The course, Spectrum Trainings, was a 3-month intensive experiential training that helped us understand the choices that we had made and how were at choice to make changes and perhaps do things differently in a matter that served us better now. It was, next to getting married and seeing my children being born, one of the most exciting and joyful experiences I’ve had. Alfred wondered if the training would serve him as well. I knew it would and committed to supporting him if he decided to do it. He was concerned about all the reading and writing that he witnessed me doing during the training; both were not his forte’. I told him the entire training was about choice. He could do it however he wanted. On the morning after his first day of training, he chastised me for lying, “You said I wouldn’t have to read or write if I didn’t want to!”
“Well, you don’t”
“Yeah, but I’ll be ostracized and targeted if I don’t!”
“So what do you chose?”
“Bastard!” He laughed. “Well, I need to do my journaling. At least keep your promise and help me.”
“Okay. Sit down and start journaling.”
“I said I will, but you said you would help.”
“I just did. I said, ‘Sit down and start journaling.”
“OH YOU BASTARD! I suck at writing. I can’t do it!”
“Bullshit”
“Son-of-a…I guess I can try.”
“Yep, you can try…or you can do.”
“I have never been good at writing.”
“It’s for you. As long as you are honest and understand what you want to say - it will serve.”
“Have I said that you are a bastard?”
“You did.”
On Saturday, the day after Alfred died, his daughter, Lacie arrived from Las Vegas. She was distraught to say the least and was tearfully going through her father’s belongings. She brought out Al’s original journal book and asked if I knew what it was. I explained. She asked if I had ever read it. I said no. She asked if I wanted to since Alfred and I were like brothers. I told her no, it wasn’t necessary for me but I was sure it would be okay if she read it. She did. A couple hours later she came out of his room with another journal book that she had found. She said that her father had continued to journal long after Spectrum and it looked like he had bought a new notebook just recently. She asked me to look at the dedication on the front inside cover. Again I told her I didn’t feel the need, but she insisted. Here is what it said:
Click the image to read the dedication.
Since that day, I have started thinking about my life. One of my intentions is not have any unresolved regrets at the moment I die. Up until now, I have felt that I AM fulfilling that intention. People that I love know that I love them. I feel loved. I have a good idea of who I AM and what I AM about. I have a lot of varied and treasured memories from all phases of my life. I have recently left my status as a full time truck driver and part computer support tech to pursue my own computer business full time. After years of talking about it and hoping it would happen, I just did it. I was tired of driving a truck as someone’s employee for a living. In short order, I have realized that my desire was to work for myself. Fixing broken computers and networks is already becoming tiresome. In retrospect then, I AM currently spending a large (the largest?) portion of my life doing something that is creating little or no joy for me. I AM starting to regret my decision. I don’t regret having made it but I AM feeling that I chose the wrong long term career path. One more broken computer in the world won’t matter 50 years from now; probably not even 50 day from now. The time and effort spent fixing it is beginning to feel like time wasted.
I AM ready to make a change. I intend to adjust my course to be in alignment with my intention of having no regrets. Alfred died young, but I can see that he did not die incomplete. He talked about goals and changes for years and it took him years to accomplish some of them. Just the process of moving from what he had to what he desired was irritating and joyful to watch. I AM grateful to have been a part of his journey. If I could have spoke with Al moments after he transitioned, I feel he would have said, “I won.”
His death woke me up. I see now that I had fallen asleep at the wheel of my life. I was acting out of reflex and habit rather than intent and gratitude. I wasn’t living by my true nature or doing my true life. I AM awake now.
Now that I AM awake, I AM remembering my dream. My intent is to manifest that dream and have it here and now in my life.
My dream is TRULife Campus: Think Right University Campus.
It has been my experience that it is ultimately easier to support complex systems than to repair or replace them; “An ounce of prevention…” etc. In my previous capacity as a facilities manager for large apartment complexes and a racquet & swim club, I found that the least expensive and least effort intensive way to care for a pool was to ensure that it was in balance everyday so that it could keep it self clean and healthy. Once the water was out of balance, it took a truck load of chemicals and time to correct it. Sometimes I had to dump all the water and start over. That was the worst and a waste. If I neglected the pools’ care and feeding for a day, I might be okay (or not) but after a couple of days it demanded my attention by turning green and odorous. I would scramble to put it right and in doing so neglected other facility assets that needed attention. Catching up was chaotic and stressful. When I took my first facilities manager job, I knew nothing about pool maintenance. I faked it until I learned. In those first couple of weeks however, I had other distractions to attend to. The first time a resident called my boss about the pool turning green I was over my head. I had to find knowledgeable help. That was neither easy nor cheap. I tried books, advice from friends who had “kiddie” pools, called pool chemical support lines, and prayed the dilemma would just go away. I went through a number of pool techs before I found Peter. Not only did Peter fix the pool, he determined where I had gone wrong and taught me how to proceed from there. From then on I was able to maintain the pool at optimum clarity and health. On rare occasions, I would have to consult with Peter on some unusual circumstances; even then I learned more and more on my own once I had a true understanding about pools and water. With the knowledge I now had, my network of other pool savvy people began to grow exponentially. I could at least now recognize the truth and sift out most of the BS.
A few weeks ago, when I discovered that there was a health issue for me to deal with; I realized that I have been faking it. I have some core or fixed beliefs about health maintenance, specifically about naturopathic holistic health practices as opposed to modern medical scientific notions. I have focused little time and effort, however, learning about the mechanics of either. I would be loath to blurt this out loud in public but “I needed another Peter!”
At issue was the relative importance of time in making decisions as to how to best repair what I had neglect to prevent. My life and the quality thereof are greatly more important to me than a pool. One problem I felt was that I now knew more about taking care of pools than my own health. The solution seemed neither easy nor cheap. There is an unimaginable amount of information available on-line and in the library. Everyone I know has free advice to offer. If I had the money I could go to a number of health practitioners and dieticians and submit myself to their hearsay and/or heresy. Where to even begin?
As a wholesome, here-to-fore healthy, and robust American male – it can be a little disconcerting to start looking for your “Peter” at age 44. As I searched and re-searched for any resources that resonated as remotely true, it slowly began to dawn on me that others had probably been where I AM. I began to imagine the frustration and despair other people felt. That desire to find qualified, empathetic, dedicated, skilled counselors, advisors and mentors who shared my belief that I was born with everything I needed to survive and that it was possible to help myself naturally rather than introduce and depend upon modern man made substances and invasive medical procedures. I wondered why this particular quest seems so difficult and obscure. I AM starting to find, that it is because the answers are, for the most part – free.
Free can be hard and expensive can be easy. Had I been born in the jungle to some native tribe in the Philippines rather than on a US naval base to a Filipina mother and an American father, I would have grown up learning what to eat and drink and when. Everything I needed to survive on a day to day base, I would have learned from tried and true practices from my elders and the rest of my tribe the best way to live in my environment. I would have been an intrinsic part of surroundings. I would have focused on maintaining health and happiness on a daily basis rather than trading that time and energy for effort spent chasing wealth and prestige. By living in harmony with my environment and myself, I doubt that I would need to deal with the issue of high cholesterol let alone require access to the internet to do so. I might complain about the difficulty of dealing with mosquitoes but I suspect it would be easier to work through that challenge that it is to find something to eat here in the US that doesn’t contain processed sugar, processed flour, synthetics or pesticides. It would be easier to determine the cause of my dismay when looking at a typhoon on the horizon than to figure out how all the religions in this country can be right (or wrong). I would believe my tribal leaders when they said we gotta pack up and mosey on to some new camp site for a while cause we have eaten everything in this vicinity and have pooped all over the dang place. We’ll come back when our Mom (Mother Nature) cleans up our room. That we would be easier than the confusion I create for myself when my elected leaders here say “We have a God given right to bomb the poop out of that place and kill as many folks (created by God) as possible and their mothers (and their children) in order to teach them to live peaceably with us on their side of the planet.”
Everything is starting to feel backwards and askew to me here for (the) US. I know I already have the answers I seek, but it feels difficult to remember them. I know that what I need is available in abundance, but it feels challenging to find and obtain it. I AM fairly sure that there are no commercials on TV informing me where free wild asparagus is growing in my area but I would bet my new cell phone that within the hour the TV will advertise the benefits of some drug that is available to me if I pay some doctor to write me a prescription for it.
I live 11 blocks from St. Luke’s Regional Medical Center, where my son, Chance, was born. I worked there as a high school student in the dietary department. Everyday we threw away perfectly edible food that was purchased or prepared in excess of what was actually needed; hundreds of pounds of week. I submitted a suggestion that we donate the extra food to the Homeless Shelter a few blocks away. I was congratulated for a fine idea but was informed that donating fresh food (cooked or otherwise) was against the law; in fact it was illegal to even donate it to the animal shelter. Supposedly it was also illegal to turn away someone in need of attention regardless of their ability to pay but I have yet to meet or hear of any indigent person suffering from malnutrition being nursed back to optimum health by St. Luke’s. It is interesting to note that although St. Luke’s claims to be a health care leader, the building itself has grown by at least five fold the size it was in 1977. To my knowledge they have never publicly advertised discounted hospital beds because so many of them were empty from the great job they were doing keeping their clients healthy. I worked at another local hospital for three years after graduating high school. During that time I got to witness the biggest capital improvement project they had ever undertaken since opening many years before. They doubled the amount of beds and most of the facility in one fell swoop. It was loud, dirty and inconvenient for quite sometime. I AM sure it was expensive. Although the population of Boise, Idaho was quite static back then they were somehow able to fill all the beds within two weeks of dedication ceremony. I was thankful all those extra folks hadn’t needed hospitalization before the project was complete. What a coincidence that we got the expansion done just in time!
If I sound cynical – I admit it. I don’t believe that conventional doctors, hospitals, the American Medical Association, pharmaceutical companies, or for that matter contractors who build hospitals have a vested interest in seeing all of us healthy, willing and able to forgo their services or products. It would be like all of us becoming Tupperware multi-marketers – there would be no one to sell to. This is one of the reasons I think it is easier to find an “accredited” doctor willing to cut open your heart or brain than it is to find free wild asparagus in your community.
I AM committed to changing that mind set. I think my “EUGE DREAM” is different than that dream. I think it is better for me, my family, my community, my nation and my world. I have ‘the courage to change the things I can’ and this is one of them. I know I have ‘the wisdom to know the difference’. I remember that. I know! I know! It’s off to work I go!
Well, that’s enough background story (oh, I have more for later).
TRULife University Campus: a campus for learning how to think right (you)! I have thought about it for awhile now. I have thought about bits and pieces of it since I graduated from Spectrum Trainings. Of course I have had a number of great ideas - seeing someone else eventually manifest them always left me feeling both validated and disgusted. I AM proud to report that I have manifested a couple of dreams and most times I feel that I AM more capable of doing so than most of my friends and acquaintances. The good ones that have gone by the wayside, however, are starting to feel like they are creating a regret column in my ‘Fulfilled Life’ ledger. That is against my will (and this testament)! After thinking about it abstractly for years and in a more focused fashion since Alfred died, I decided today to move into the second stage of creation: Vibration.
As I understand it, the universe is made of vibration. The smallest units of light and sound vibrate faster than the smallest units that are rocks and trees. I believe the universe loves me (it created me) and is therefore willing to bring me (the realization of) those things I AM all ready to have (kinda like how I AM with my kids –they are the apples of my eyes). In my dream, the loving universe is God. I AM a Euge part of that universe. I AM in God / God is in Me. This Euge Loving Universal God is everything including me. I AM everything including this Euge Loving Universal God! Yeah, Baby! I AM God’s kid. I AM the apple of God’s eye. I AM the apple of God’s “I”. An apple a day keeps the doctors away. I AM ready to fly UP! UP! And AWAY! Like Superman. I AM ready to be a super man. My Euge Universal Loving God is willing to help me realize my dream now and it is super, man. I AM picking up GOOD VIBRATIONS. IT’S BRINGINGING ME EXCITATIONS! SON of a BEACH, boy! I AM EXCITED! I AM so excited I AM shaking. I AM feeling like my heart is vibrating. My hands are vibrating. My mind is vibrating faster than a locomotive. I feel like shouting. I feel like my voice should echo from the mountains. My voice is ready to vibrate and resonate. I would love it to resonate with you.
The second stage of creation is starting the vibration of intent in the universe. Put it out there; give it to the universe and then let go of the results. I can do that.
1. Mark Johnson called me this morning out of the blue. He was in Dori’s original LT (Life Training) Team until she switched to mine. Three years ago, Mark decided to go on walk-about. He literally sold everything he had, quit his job and took off to think. He called this morning to announce that he was back and ready to rejoin conventional society with his new found peace and clarity. He asked what was new with me. I got him up to speed about my family, Alfred, my business, etc. Then, in an instant, I decided this was the time for stage two of THE DREAM. I told him about TRULife Campus. I verbalized it and therefore started the vibration of creation. After listening patiently, he told me he experienced a sensation that this dream would be, that it was true. I thanked him for being a part of its birth. Homer Wong has listened to parts of this dream for quite some time. Mark was the first to hear my intent to manifest it.
2. Right after I hung up from Mark, my buddy, Rich Granberry called. He asked me how I was doing. He was wondering if I was complete in grieving about Al. I said I was for now. He asked what was up. I told him about THE DREAM. He got excited and asked if he could come down to the house to hear more. When he got here I took him over to the property. I described more accurately what I envisioned. He got excited and started dreaming with me. He started adding his vision to mine and soon we had a beautiful vision going. We could feel it. He strongly recommended that I continue. He said he was creating joy about getting up in the morning and coming to work at the campus. He asked to remain a part of it through all stages and I consented - so did he. Rich was the second person to hear about my Euge Dream.
3. Hollie White brought her computer out to my office for some minor repair. She was one of Alfred’s dearest friends. We commiserated about Al for awhile then she asked after Dori and my health. I filled her in. She told me about her continuing health struggles. I told her about THE DREAM. She was absolutely convinced it was do-able by me. I had an idea that I might hire Hollie to be in charge of the cleaning staff as she has her own cleaning business and works hard as a single mom to raise her two boys. She doesn’t trust people enough to hire help. She was third person to hear THE DREAM.
4. I had called MaryKay Patton earlier this morning and left a message asking her to get in touch. I could feel that MaryKay’s buy-in to THE DREAM would be beneficial to me. She is smart both conventionally and intuitively. She is focused and powerful. MaryKay says and does things that lead me to believe that she believes in my visions and powers. She called while I was on my way home from the office. After listening to THE DREAM she declared that she believed it could be done and I could do it. She had just moved to Ketchum this morning. She made the decision to return to practicing law and making money. She was formerly a city attorney here in Boise and decided years ago to do something different. She soon became the Spectrum Trainings Administrator. She said it would take her 6-8 weeks to get settled in to this new phase of her life and she would be available in a limited fashion until then. After that she was willing to help in whatever ways she could. I knew it! She was number four.
5. As I finished up my conversation with MaryKay, I was pulling into my driveway. I went inside and Dori asked me how my day was and what was new. I thought ‘New York, New Hampshire, New Delhi..Hey! Deli!’ I said, “What’s for dinner?” I usually dread telling Dori about my new ideas or dreams. I complain that I can find people willing to help show me how I can’t do something at a dime dozen. What I need are people who can tell me how I can do them. That is how I usually think. That is how I usually do with Dori. But this dream felt different. It felt like I would be better served by doing it different. Instead of being evasive, I told her how my whole day went. I told her how I felt, who I talked to and about what. I told her about THE DREAM. She bought in before I was done. She was convinced that this was right dream because it felt different to her than my other dreams. It felt right to her. She asked if she could offer her ideas. I was ready and open to receive her ideas (for once). It was sexy. She was number five. I told her I could see Justin Thompson (our next door neighbor) as the Facilities Manager of the Campus.
6. At that point, I could see Justin through the window coming out to mow his lawn. When he finished a few minutes later I walked over and told him about THE DREAM and what I saw as his part if he wanted. He said he would love to and in fact he would go out a buy a bike to ride to work everyday since gas for his pickup was killing him. He was number six.
7. Mike Durrant came over. I told him THE DREAM. He has worked for me off and on since he was 16. He had to go back to work for Medicaid a few days ago because I couldn’t offer health benefits. I assured him that when I could hire him back at the Campus, he would get health benefits PLUS. He said all-righty then. He was number seven.
8. Doug Anderson and his wife Vincie stopped by for surprise visit. Doug has been clean and sober since last November. I lost one friend and got another one back. I told him I had a story to tell him – a new dream but because of the hour, we decided to do it over a family barbeque this Sunday. Doug took a job below his (sober) qualifications. It’s the first time he has been employed in a number of years. He and Vincie look happy for the first time in a long time. He says that the job is okay but he is already feeling like he is ready for more of a challenge. Doug is an artist at pool maintenance.
I have now created eleven (my lucky number -11/11/61; add’em together and they equal eleven) pages of this dream journal. I think I’ll slow down my vibration for now. It’s definitely out there.
Thursday, July 06, 2006:
I spent from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm finishing yesterday’s entry. I have decided not to stay awake all night when I AM excited about something or behind in my work. So I knocked off at 12:25 am. Everything I wanted to say last night was still in my head when I got up this morning. I did some website work and then journaled the rest of the day. I chose to do this above the other things I could have done.
Saturday, July 15, 2006:
Sheesh! 9 days have passed since I last journaled. I continue to visualize TRU LifeCampus. Once again I will work backwards from now. Dori and I had Dinner & Game night at Homer and Sharon’s. Bettina and her boyfriend Mike were there as were a couple new to us: Andy & Ellen. It was great fun playing “Shag, Marry, Kill” and “Guestures”. I thought about bringing up TRULC, but the focus was on fun & laughter so I decided against it. The last time I saw Mike he was talking about doing an internet radio show and we discussed a project I had thought would be good for Homer & me – “Spiritual You”: Kind of a “Dr. Laura” call-in show with more compassion and a less condescending attitude. I envisioned having both regular and one-time guest speakers from both the conventional and holistic counseling communities. The evening was joyful energizing.
Went to the co-op and bought organic food & snacks for the get-together at Homer’s. $$. $40 ought us 2 small bags of groceries.
Dori shaved my head while she was wearing only a t-shirt. I nearly always think about how it would be if we made love while she shaves my head; probably not a safe activity.
Dori & I made love. Seems like it’s been months; what with surgeries and constant house guests and funerals and family activities, etc. It was VERY GOOD. Once again, in the few minutes after my orgasm (which was after hers, BTW), I wondered: ‘Why don’t we do this every freaking day?!” I mean we ARE married adults. In my teenage years and early manhood, “Doing It” made up at least 80% of my preoccupied thoughts.
I took my Dad to breakfast yesterday to celebrate his birthday. I finally had “The Talk”. It took nearly 4 ½ hours. It had been 2 years in coming. I started off by telling him that I loved him and cherished him above all men in my life but I had been harboring resentments about his attitude and behaviors for some time. I explained that I wanted to bring my resentments to light for my sake and that I didn’t necessarily expect him to change anything about himself. Homer (& Dori) was right; he had no (apparent) problem listening to me. There were some emotional moments for both him and me. I committed to being authentic, honest, and complete – no withholding. I also set an intention to come from a space of love (interestingly – this was first taught to me by my Dad.) It was less dramatic than I had envisioned and less difficult. Two years building up the courage to give my Dad honest feedback – seems like a ridiculously long time now. It felt very healing to me and I am now committed to keeping that relationship, one of my most important, clear, and authentic. I told my Dad that Al’s death help me decide that I would act in accordance to the value I placed on my relationships. Since my value of him was so high, I felt the need to clear the air about my behaviors and my underlying resentments about his seemingly judgmental nature. In the end, he revealed that he had been hurt by some of my actions and words in the last year and shared how it had affected him. The bottom line was he found my disconnection disconcerting and confusing. In his attempts to figure out what was going on, he struggled nearly everyday and came up with nearly every possible conclusion except for the one I revealed. It was very healing for me (and I hope – him).
I have spent considerable time learning about holistic health and nutrition for the last couple of days – both online and in person. I have finally found a Naturopathic Physician that I felt some connection with. Brent Mathieu has an office only a couple of blocks from my house and my first appointment is Monday morning. Homer and I came across him on our way to check out some other practioners. None of the others were available whereas Brent was standing in the reception area of his office (he was between patients) as if waiting for me to walk in). He gave me nearly 45 minute of his time and answered all of my questions about his qualifications, certifications, beliefs etc. My final question to him was why he decided to pursue a naturopathic practice instead of a conventional medical practice. He looked at me for a moment as if to determine if he could give me an authentic answer without scaring off a potential new client. I could he see him nearly instantly decide to be honest – “My spiritual beliefs lead me to believe that this is the best way to good health.” Instead of giving me the Noo-Noo-NaNa-heebeejeebies – that disclosure clinched it for me. I decided to accept his guidance and made an appointment for a body scan and to begin receiving and implementing his counseling.
Doug and Vincie (and kids) are coming over for a family BBQ today, so I better get up and help Dori prepare. Steve and Mag should be arriving tonight on their way to Portland.
Saturday, July 15, 2006 1:59:21 PM-
I’m back. I had some thoughts about a mission statement concerning TRU LifeCampus:
- “A co-operative endeavor to facilitate the shift in the current popular beliefs about all facets of human being.”
Alfed Taylor Shope 1951-2006
Al you are well cherished and well missed - ENB
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